1. |
Escala (prod. by KMG)
03:44
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[Verse I]
It begins
Enter the two-bit crook
Whose time is counted by the rice pouring from his hand
Blood spilled for a refill
Never knowing how long the crime life is gonna last
Nor any idea when this all began
It was like this ever since
No past, no future
Just the present of his children forged with every sin
Every cellphone snatched is tuition
Every gram of drug is nutrition
Every scrape with Death a repetition
Heavy conscience honed his intuition
But ain't much difference between the needy and greedy in the laws that are bound
Run like the wind when the hogs come around
They'll run you to the ground and gun you down, another body count
They say everybody see the devil on an empty stomach
Then they see God when their end is coming
And he knows damn well ain't no running from it, but...
At least 'til his kids make it out of this hell, gotta stay alive
Too far downhill for a better life
Not saying he ain't praying for it every night
Then his answer came, on a fated chase through the maze-like alleyways
It was there that he saw God's face...
... right behind a .38 aimed at his way
"But I'm still needed by my family"
So he drew his own weapon frantically
Time stood still as they both stared down
The barrel of a gun and their mortality
[Interlude]
Who is right, who is wrong
Does it even matter?
When only winners get another chapter
But even then you're getting played
This is not Lady Justice's scales
Just the strings of a puppet master
As the world keeps spinning
And your money keeps thinning
And humanity is slipping
Into fear, need, greed
Desperation, rage and pride
The problems keep pressing
Now let's hear the other side of the story
[Verse 2]
Enter the young police
Whose career was built with every dime from his mom and dad
Studied hard so he can make 'em proud at last
He was gonna be the one to take 'em out of that
Lifestyle of debt and decay
That he knew growing up in this rough place
Not one to accept how "it just is",
He vowed to bring order and justice
But it wasn't quite like he first thought
Corruption rooted down to the bedrock
Salary wasn't enough for the risk brought
Some'd rather trade honor for a quick buck
As he got pulled in to a world of sin
He had lost his dreams and his flames were killed
And his badge's glimmer grew dimmer with every moral descent
Now his only saving grace was his bloodless hands
Couldn't take the life of another man
But it wasn't for long, now he understands
As he stands in front of God
In this confrontation with a man on the run
Deep in the alley, no backup to come
Shaking hands firmly grasping that guns
They stared eye to eye
And the only thing they saw was a swine and a man of crime
Neither one will ever get to know
Their similarities and burdens held up inside
No chance for redemption
When in just another millisecond, you're about to die
Shots rung loud in the sky
As the two lost souls pulled the trigger at the same time
[Outro]
Who was right, who was wrong?
Does it even matter
When only winners get another chapter
But even then you're getting played
This is not Lady Justice's scales
Just the strings of a puppet master
As the world keeps spinning
And your money keeps thinning
And humanity is slipping
Into fear, need, greed
Desperation, rage and pride
The problems keep pressing us
Further down the slide
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2. |
Lovebound (prod. by KMG)
02:53
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[Verse I]
Got nothing in my hands that I can offer 'cept warmth
But I'm worried if you ever hold it, you would be scorched
'Cuz I'm a sucker for love, rather easy to excite
Just another violent heart in need of some peace of mind
I'm not just in it for our bodies to become one
But I wouldn't mind if I ever was your loved one
It's kind of a conundrum, the same fertile imagination
Is the cultivating ground for hesitation
Thoughts lost on the beat of the drums
I feel my body burning hotter than the heat of the sun
When we're face to face, written scripts incinerate
Every dialogue and logical thought disintegrates
As I find myself deep in space, giving chase
To a bluefire comet whose tail illuminates
This dark, empty place where I float with no aim
In this soundless vacuum, I call for your name
[Hook]
Pick up from my hints 'cause
Love has a melody, sung in sweet subtleties
This song is a gift from me to you
Forgotten sensations
What's lost in the memory, comes back eventually
This song is a gift from me to you
[Verse II]
I wanna take you on a lovebound journey
You're a real life Celine, but I can't play your Jesse
I'm more like the poet sweet-talking you for pennies
Hiding my true feelings in cryptic entries
You're the Halley in my orbit, a once-in-life moment
I should carpe diem on it and yet I'm afraid to blow it
So I stay frozen, gazing at your bright silhouette
Don't have the answers to this self-imposed riddle yet
Too afraid to see the end of the puzzle
If I ain't gonna be in it, so I deliberately miss a piece
Now you even got me doubting on my non-belief
Asking God not to make this story bittersweet
But I'm aware that if I want it, gotta stand the hurt
The gravity of a confession pulls me back to Earth
Still no resolve, but a crystal clear aim
In this crowd of lost souls, I call for your name
[Hook]
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3. |
Moonchild (prod. by KMG)
03:29
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[Verse I]
You are my loved one, you are my biggest hope
You're the seed of my emotions, salvation of my soul
You're everything to me, you're my sanity
You're the silver line holding down this family
I know that it's not always gonna be a sanctuary
There'll be a lot of friction between your father and me
But never enough to stop the motion of your growth
When push comes to shove, we'll work together through the slope
Sometimes our flaws and neurosis will get the best of us
I hope you never stop believing in the best of us
In this house, I'll be the light that you need
So that you can grow brighter than I ever could be
Our future may be shrouded in uncertainty
But we'll be trying with the best of our abilities
To pave the way for your journey to the endless
Your gratitude will be my life's repentance
[Hook]
'Cause I'm haunted by the present and past
Your future is the last elation that I know
And no matter what judgement is passed
Your happiness is the salvation of my soul
(x2)
[Verse II]
You are my loved one, you are my biggest hope
You're the seed of my emotions, salvation of my soul
The constant reminder of my love and my pain
The sole recipient of all that remains
Your mother died to bring you to this world
Life's cruel reality immediately unhurled
Before you could even open your eyes to see it
Shattered my dreams the very moment I conceived it
But we've gotta live on for her sake
I would never let you feel like your birth was a mistake
The dream lives on, you just inherited her light
So I'll give you all my love for the two women in my life
My darling daughter, my nighttime star
My springtime thawing out my frostbitten heart
You've raised me up before I even raise you
I'll be your pillar 'till I pay my dues
[Hook]
[Verse III]
You are my loved one, you are my biggest hope
You're the seed of my emotions, salvation of my soul
You represent everything that I'm fighting for
A future that can nourish innocence like yours
They made me birth you in prison walls and steel thorns
I'll sing you lullabies over banging steel doors
My arms will protect you from the cold chill of malice,
The lies and the madness, this narrow world's our palace
You're too young for these hellish ordeals, but
Let it temper your bones 'til we win our freedom
The truth shall prevail, happiness will come
You'll live to see the beautiful world kissed by the sun
Ready yourself for when tomorrow's within reach
No tyrant's too great for a will unrelenting
You are warmed by the fires of change
May your generation witness better days
[Hook]
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4. |
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[Verse I]
All he ever wanted was a happy little family
But the household atmosphere was angry by default
They tried to maintain the illusion of living happily
But both of his parents were earnest to a fault
His mom's story was that of rags to riches
And his dad's was of riches to rags
They had opposite changes, but were equally bitter
And he was inadvertantly caught smack in the middle of all that
He knew they kept secrets, but never dared to find out
Assumed that if he left the flames alone, it would die out on its own
Feigned ignorance was the way he coped
They'd keep it together for his sake is what he hoped
Until one day, they came home thunderously mad
And his mother proceeded to pack clothes into her bag
Revealed so many things, it was impossible to start
But he knew that everything had fallen apart
[Hook I]
His faith shattered along with all the family portraits
He couldn't say a word, his vision was distorted
Then his crying mother's sudden question made him quiver
Leave with me now, or stay in here forever
Of course he couldn't choose, for he loved them both equally
Defiant, as if to say that "none of this is real to me"
No way that he'd settle for just half of a home
So he chose to run away on his own
[Verse II]
Holding a cellphone and only 20 bucks
He went over to his homies and asked to stay there
But none of them wanted to be a part of his affair
Nor to have freeloaders in their care
So then he set out to seek self-sufficiency through work
But young with no skills or creds meant he had no worth
Then he tried to sell art for a living
But his second-rate sketches were only good enough for dimes and pennies
His reclusive upbringing came back to bite him hard
He learned what it meant to be filthy and to starve
His father's teachings have always kept him in line
But he'll be damned if he survived without resorting to crime
So he became a thief, but lacking stamina and speed
He was caught easily and got ganged up in the streets
Crawled into an alley, cried alone in the dark
For him, everything had truly fallen apart
[Hook II]
Hungry, bloodied, isolated from help
No words could explain just how pathetic he felt
He wanted to blame God, his parents, or his friends
But in the end, he knew that he could only blame himself
Reached the absolute lowest point of his life
To the point he even questioned what's the point of his life
Wishing to go back to the time before he left
He closed his eyes and waited for death
[Outro]
He woke up, neither dirty nor dead
What seemed like an eternity was was all in his head
Back from limbo, but knowing the hell that awaited
He turned things around before any of that became real
He went back to his home, where his parents were waiting
Set aside their differences and then embraced him
They promised him that it would all work out
Promised it would all work out...
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5. |
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[Verse I]
You were born to be a leader, a star
To be somebody great, gotta tell yourself that's what you are
It always starts with the proper mindset and discipline
Gaining assets and then building it up
Like how your parents raised you for the task
They worked too hard for you to half ass
Gave you a taste of all the fine things in life
The preview alone is almost blinding in its light
But you gotta prove to the world that you deserve it and more,
Only made men can go inside the glass door
Observe for the moment 'til you figure out the secret
How to get a passing score
Don't you wanna stand among titans?
Your face gracing Time, you life story timeless?
I know you do, who wouldn't wanna live the dream?
I'll teach you a magic spell, repeat after me
[Hook]
Here's a toast to some wonderful times
Spreading peace, love and positive vibes
Never let up on the hustle and grind
Stack your money 'till it's up in the skies
[Verse II]
You're on a roll, and building momentum
With a sound plan with necessary connections
The money tree you planted's slowly grown to fruition
Just keep doing things that earn you recognition
As for charity... well you can give back
But frankly, morality and empathy is a trap
Designed to take away and impede your cash flow
The obligation is a little hard to grasp, though, 'cuz
Where were they when you were out making money?
All your former bullies now broke, ain't it funny?
It was a good choice to chase material possessions
But still not enough, you need more obsession
Yes.... you gotta make more
You haven't made it 'till you can't make any more
Everything else is utterly inconsequential
Now sing it with me as we hit the instrumental
[Hook]
[Verse III]
Now you're at the top, the profit never stops
So much, you've forgotten what it's like climbing up
They look at you like some kind of biblical figure
When you're up that stage, give 'em all a middle finger
Fuck 'em all, inspire competition?
Teach 'em how to lick your feet and bow in submission
Show them success is not a bedfield of flowers
You gotta have tenacity to power through the doubters
Nerves of steel to ignore inequality
Those who can't be a king deserve a peasant's salary
And all these parasites are plaing guilty conscience
But all the accusations boil down to jealous nonsense
They say you never starved... Yeah, 'cuz you're smart
They're starving 'cuz they're lazy
It's not the system's fault
Poverty is just another deadbeat excuse
Better do the whipping if you don't wanna be the one abused
And you're amused with all the contradiction
Denying your reality with poorly-written fiction
When you shed metaphorical blood, sweat, and tears
Don't let anyone tell you that you had it easy getting here
Let those losers get their just desserts
You get the full course and everything that you deserve
Let them salivate as you dine with fellow kings
Drink that fine wine, raise it high, and sing
[Hook]
[Outro]
It feels good to be a god among men
It feels good to be a god among men
It feels good to be a god among men
I know you wanna be one too, don't pretend.
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6. |
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I've had enough, this is the last straw
I'm burning it all, no more bad draws
No more for me, or anyone else
Drag you off of your high horse and into the dregs
That you make us crawl, while you stand tall
Walking over us, now YOU take the fall
How does it feel, ain't it miserable?
Why do you puke from the same shit you throw?
You don't know my story, don't call me a bum
You don't know the burden of a first-born son
Standing in for a father who left us for dead
Mother was my only model for strength
And all of those years, I intend to repay
But not as a slave, harnessed and chained
I've played in this game for too long with no say
I'm here to live life, I'm not here for charades
So go preach to your choir
You built your career in a lavish empire
I dare you to come spend a year in my jungle
Where shit is so rough, even diamonds crumble to dust
To put food on the shelf
Poor mental health, not a pill for myself
Cuz my momma's grown frail, sister critically ill
Medical bills got me buried in debt
While you pilfer more wealth, I've been working like hell
Yet my salary's held, zero empathy felt
And no friends to reach out, they condemned me instead
Companionship ends where the money begins, huh?
And you think I'm lacking gratitude?
You think I'm just not trying as hard as you?
Two jobs, seven days, and I'm a slacking fool?
You wanna see a fucking change of attitude?
Fuck you self-serving class
You think your money gives everything you do a pass
What you wouldn't do for cash; trade lives for dead--
-- presidents, you might as well join the severed heads
You want stocks? Watch out for the bad signs
Cuz I will turn your fucking life's crescendo to a flatline
Just like the one from that night, I can hear it still
As she said her last I love you and her breathing failed
Hands so cold, tears froze as they fell
I'll let you have a good taste of that soul-freezing chill
She found God, while I lost the one I answer to
From now on, I'm the judge, I'm the arbiter of vengeance
And you're all accountable
Crimes against humanity: treating them like animals
Pillage, murder, theft within the law
And when I kill you, I'll be the guiltiest of all
So what's the verdict? Whose neck should be strung?
Mine, or these worthless, egotistic scum?
How many bullets do I need for everyone who wronged me?
How many shots will it take to fucking end this story?
Fuck, I just steal what I can find
Loaded handgun, ready to go Columbine
Inside that office that I've longed to burn for years
The asshole in charge just wet himself in fear
Wishing this a dream, a horror movie reel
I wish it was too, but my sister died for real
Your fortune won't save you from the karma that you've earned
Take it all to hell and see if that shit don't burn
Duh-duh-duh-duh, duh-duh-duh-duh
Empty, reload, then more duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh
How you like me now, motherfucker?
You walked like a king, now you lay like a sucker
What's the matter? No more witty quips?
Choke in your blood, you condescending prick
I did at last
Holy shit, I just killed a man
It happened so fast
I'm falling and I can't turn back
So I gotta make my exit quick before the cops arrive
Now that it's come to this, everybody has to die
That's right, I'm coming for you all
I'll show the whole world how the mighty will fall
I'm gonna kill you, I'm gonna fucking kill you
There are no depths that I'm not willing to sink to
Just to prove even royal bloods bleed red
I'll take you to the same place my dreams went
I'll take you to the same place my dreams went
It guess this is where my dreams end
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7. |
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[Hook]
Somebody hear my signal of distress
Somebody come and help alleviate this stress
Unremarkable but doing my best
I just need some time to wrap my head around this mess (2x)
[Verse I]
Always unremarkable, that's how the world makes me feel
Got too many hands pulling on my steering wheel
False freedom, might as well be riding shotgun
As everybody steers me through Knievel long jumps
The only thing expected from my hands is 2 and 10
Cuz everything less than a 10 is just a 2 to them
They say "do your best", their eyes tell you "don't bother"
Expectations higher than parents in soap operas
So what am I to do? Can't let my people down
Gotta cross oceans for 'em even if I drown
And you know that I'd do that shit with zero hesitation
But it would it be too much to show me some appreciation
I know I stumble through my missions, can't do it quick
But I can take the bruises so I don't break these eggs
Yet if I break one, I'm treated like I broke them all
It's so tiring, might as well just take the fall so
[Hook]
[Hook II]
I need some time, just a minute or two
Don't need to put me in a leash for me to journey with you
My loyalty is infinite for everyone who's worth the time
But don't push me to a self-destructive state of mind
I can only take so much before it bends my psyche
Psychopathic tendencies or psychedelic coping's likely
Don't gotta psychoanalyze me for a turn out
I'm one step away from a burnout
[Verse II]
I never did nobody wrong
But the people in my life make it difficult to get along
I'm always on the giving end of favours
Yet always on receiving end of being called a failure
And a fake just because I take a middle ground
But when things are getting real, they never stick around
Maybe it's exactly 'cause I'm fake
That I never know when to abandon ship until it's too late
All alone, I turn to music
Resonating melodies make me wanna try it too
Cobble up these stories into something moving
And if it's not, the act is still therapeutic
Turn my life to art, is that my only way out?
The only way I'm going to be heard amidst the chaos
When things are spiraling out of control
And we can't speak person to person, make it soul to soul
[Hook]
[Hook II]
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8. |
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[Verse I]
What is a life worth living, he asks?
What's the price of dreams in this world run by cash?
Is mediocrity hand-to-hand with contentment?
Are we only alive if we shine through the heavens?
He's burnt-out so he's inclined to think this way
The elitism sinks further into his brain
Living conditions make it difficult to escape
The jagged fangs of his self-hate
Then he remembers, a dream that he had shelved ages ago
That maybe he should give another shot but take it slow
Is it a ray of hope or just a another way to cope?
He doesn't care, his once lost flames were stoked
Who could have ever thought that you could turn a new page from an old book
And reclaim the will to live this world took
Now that he's got his inner demons at bay
He takes his first jump back to the fray
[Hook]
'Cause when your heart is crying out loud for change
You've got no other choice but to obey
The passion overflowing inside your veins
No matter what lengths you have to chase
It goes beyond the...
Money, fame, power and pride
The urge to burn alight 'till the embers turn white
When only ashes remain, the lives you touched will sing your song
And then inherit your will, the dream goes on
[Verse II]
Even though we live in fearful times
It was his way of telling fate to read between the lines
Never again gonna crumble to his knees
Unfazed by the hunger and fatigue, because
For the very first time in this life
He doesn't feel like a nuisance
Seeing past the road between winning and losing
He was a rogue in the divide between diamonds and roughs
Blurred the lines, pulverized the whole framework to dust
He lived only for exhilaration
Treating every battle as his greatest creation
He wasn't even thinking of dreaming, he just did
Only madness could push someone so off the grid
Yet somehow, the world felt connected to him
They admired his pursuit that was untainted by sins
Unrelenting though he wasn't the best by any means
So this is what it truly means to dream
[Hook]
[Verse III]
Through the rise and fall, he never missed a step
Even if it meant criminal neglect upon his health
Like he truly wished to burn to ash
He kept playing with the fires that his works had cast
There was no better elation than the euphoric sensation
Of making whole-hearted creations out of self-elevation
And a sense of indignation towards the petty racing
May he be an inspiration for this generation, ugh
For the aspirants whose confidence is shaken up
By the culture that only values the greatest, ugh
9 to 5ers, providers under stagnation, ugh
Everybody with a dream who'd like to chase it, ugh
Take the pain and break your chains
Forsake the fame and make true change
'Til the day only your deeds remain, and a new dreamer takes your place,
The dream goes on!
[Outro]
Yeah, this is to all my riders, providers
9 to 5ers and trife life survivors
Truth writers, freedom fighters and dream igniters
True friends and loved ones that's always there beside us
Dreamchasers, carving out a path of your own
Or bringing change for society as a whole
Earnestly, without selling your soul
Keep living your extraordinary ordinary lives
Yeah
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9. |
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[Intro]
Yo, putting this here
'Cuz I didn't have room for this inside the song
I'd like to thank
Writer's Block
Master Gab AKA Rambling Man
The vets who support the new school
Glitching Forever Studios
No Face Records, good friends
Let's get it
[Verse I]
This is to everyone who always got my back
A message to my people and the reason I rap
Look, the daydreaming, doodling downer has grown
And now I have something I can call my own
This is for my friends who're always there for me
Who've seen the worst and best of me
They're like my second family
Do I deserve this blessing?
See, I was always quite the fool in life and in school
But having homies by my side made the challenges cool
Now I'm here, emcee-slash-engineer
All the losses that I took made the victories sweeter
Sparked a big bang in this empty void
Now all the obstacles and noise, I can handle with poise
This is to Fight Club, DERAILED and my brothers in high
We may have our own flights, but we all share the sky
[Hook]
This is to everyone who always got my back
In troubled times, I was raised from the dirt
To all the assholes who doubted my worth
I got my middle fingers raised to the jerks
This is to everyone who taught me to believe in me
Believe in their belief in me unleashing my abilities
Believing in the hope that I’ll be living worthwhile
And when my time comes, I’ll be leaving with a smile
[Verse II]
Every now and then, I get a little bit jaded
'Cuz the world is so bleak, life's colors seem faded
I made it, but it's kind of hard to appreciate
Knowing many out there who'll never share my fate
Lost in despair at a very young age
Falling into a state of mind of shallow escape
Locked down in this cold world ruled by the money
All these good kids in a mad country
S'why I don't like shit when I go outside
I wanna be their angel but I'm not qualified
Dreamville's dreamers must be dead or in grief
Turned to dark twisted fantasies of 6 feet deep
Yet smiling faces shine in the dark
The many faces of hope, I etch 'em all in my heart
Always keep 'em in my thoughts for every song that I write
So I can bless them with the same music that changed my life
[Hook]
[Verse III]
Celebrating life’s long trail of milestones
Failures and successes comprise all the rhymes wrote
Head up clouds while reliving the essence
But with feet on the ground, I move on to the present
Firsthand witness that love can be fragile
But to hold it down as long you can is what matters
So I love them all the same, that won't change
Dedicate it to my folks when I step in the stage
And though the Labrats are late in their revolt
At least their talents are no longer latent in the vault
See, Wally on his Don shit, Mental he evolves quick
Kensa, Soup, Omega’s next release is on the watchlist
As for me, I can only be me
How far I'll make it in the end, I can only wait and see
In this make or break to make a break world we live in
We could all use a helping hand to make it through the distance
[Hook]
[Outro]
This is to Emman, Nathan, Faye, Jim and Joe
Karl, Earl, Sam, Rodjie, Cavs, Betch, and Badjong
To Dei, Tiu, and Jorge, big homie Norms
Aniki’s got your back, tell Shella, Carl and Lawrence
Riz, JV and the hip hop fam
Rio and every girl who once held my heart in their hand
This is to mom and dad and every single part of the clan
Thank you very much, you all made me what I am
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10. |
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[Verse I]
As I stand on the grave of my elders
All their memories are calling from the past
Though I somewhat vividly remember
I no longer feel their warmth in my hands
Everything they ever meant is just interpretation
Fuzzy recollections of their best and worst traits
Never knowing their regrets and hidden pains
Are their true identities just another secret buried in the grave?
Well I guess that I'm the same
Tellin' souls to fly away 'cuz I will be okay
When the truth is, I can't even tell if blood is in veins
I'm so empty, I've been living just to build a frame for coffinspace
Friends, dreams, beliefs, good fights
Just so I can tell myself I had a full life
No idea when it's my turn to die
But like my loved ones in the ground, I'm just passing by
[Hook]
'Cuz no matter the belief, all the answers that you seek
Lead to one reality, in the end we're all just passing by
Everybody's just a shadow through our memories
And only the emotions that we shared is left in the obscurity
[Verse II]
'Cuz all the empathy in the world
Wouldn't ever let me know how it's like from your shoes
I could sing about it every day
And still fail to portray your conditions
Having everything to lose
Just verisimilitude
Imagery in prose never grimmer than the truth
Tell 'em of the thickness of the blood we've never seen
But it's never quite as red
As the spilling in the province and the streets
Farmers starving, oh the irony
Beggars lying under tall walls of ivory
Childless mother's tears, or fears of a refugee
Shattered views warrant need for an effigy
Looking for a savior with their hands in the air
Suffering around us but we just don't care
Apathetic winners of survival of the fittest
Some relying on their privileges, challenges dimished
While the others be forgettin' what it's like to be weak
Never looking back while continuing the streak
Every second is a dollar under the account
Is this really what it means to make our time count? Hah
Well what do I know?
I'm also stacked in this race for survival
Never in my life held a hammer and a sickle
And these bars do little than to whittle down
The guilt that's inside of me
Hypocrite as I may be
'least I know the stakes, and the bane of humanity
Our time is too short, but not short enough
To realize we need each other's help to make it through the rough
I don't mean to invalidate our grind
Just a self-conscious ode to mankind
We're all just ordinary people living ordinary lives
And we're all just passing by
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11. |
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[Verse I: Rayneman]
I'm just a fuck up trying to unfuck up my situation
Holding a shovel, I dig through layers of frustration
They say it's all in the state of mind, so I put my mind on stasis
Wear a happy face, look for rainbows and chase it
But chasing happiness is like building card towers in the wind
No matter what you do, it's gonna tumble down in the end
Still I gotta front that I got my marbles together
Force a smile just to walk by your side, hoping that you'll make it better
You know half of my time's spent spewing some posi vibe shit
But deep within my heart's recesses, I know it's all nonsense
Just as spiteful and conniving as my antithesis
Little satanspawn reaching out for that hand of Jesus
Too real for those I ride with, too fake for those I rock with
That smile you hate stuck on my face and overtakes my conscience
Until the day that every one of you turn on me
I'll still be smiling all alone in purgatory
[Hook]
It's so easy to lie
No one sees through my smiles
When I'm expressing
Feels like I'm transgressing in your eyes
It's so easy to lie
No one sees through my smiles
Scattered dreams in the sky
Along with each piece of my life
Is it too late to pick up all the missing parts
I wanna go back from the start
[Verse II: Kensa]
I'm in it to win it, I’m shooting for the zenith
Break from the prison of my inhibitions
Conflicted on whether to listen to my shoulder angel or inner demons
What is the weight of a flick of a pen if it hardly changes the minds of men?
It's nothing but a speck in the infinite spectrum of interrelated butterfly effects
Still, I plunge into fictional narratives like a messianic renaissance man
Megalomania shredded to sediments, dreams of a god transcending from man
I refuse to be broken down to repetitive sets of influences
'Cause I went down from being the best to getting the worst of my depression
Now listen:
Bullets are raining from every direction, I'm spitting up blood from my wounded reflection
I try to be perfect with my imperfections, I'm shooting with my eyes closed, misdirected
To the innocent men I never wanted to war with, gotta stand tall 'spite the painful process
Of losing your friends to a game that ponders to the selfish even if it breaks another soul
Exacerbated by my pain and anger
Every waking moment feels like a blade of a dagger
Being driven to my hollow chest that I am barely breathing with
I'm killing my darlings, down to the last bullet of the gun that I will shoot myself with
[Verse III: Mocksmile]
Stay on the background, pretend that it's cool
Wait for the last round, deny a revenue
Drool on the scenery and act like a fool
Nod my head as I get back at the queue
Never be defined at the highest point of my life
Every time I feel alive, I always close my eyes
And refuse to see what can be if I only took two steps
Will it count as a victory?
Before I drown from the misery that I used to be
The one to fix catastrophes, create all of the masterpieces
From the mastery of calamities
Even shadows couldn't see the shade under my strongest canopy
(no, no)
I dive the attic for misplaced chances
Before it went all tragic, pictures painted on the piles of garbage
Only strong from afar
Come nearer and clearly you'll see all my scars
The feeling is fear, sincerely want to restart
And throw all my cards
[Hook]
[Verse IV: Nakr]
Everyday, my face is painted with a smile that's fabricated
As a way to remain sane in this hell that I've created
Every layer's made up of unattainable aims
That I thought would aid in saving me a space in a safe haven
I remember those moments wherein I initiated
On taking baby steps to step away from a state of being jaded
Evading the statements indicated by my cranium
Intended to impede my intentions so as to keep me safe from
Falling down a rabbit hole, housing a thousand false hopes
Reaching out, just to force-open a thousand close doors
So that all of my longings break loose and run amok
To open up a thousand wounds that are bound to leave a mark
When I'm about to take a step back, I realized I sank too deep
In this abyss that I am in, swimming in a cesspool of tears
One of these days, I'll bathe in acid rain to eradicate the pain
But not today, 'cause I still have a long list of smiles to fake
[Verse V: Soupherb]
Staring at light but emitted display for 5 or 7 days a week
We always worked and played but I contemplate if this a life worth to keep
With only 5 hours of sleep while juggling life with hands and feet
Yet I gain small victories but they don't matter because of soul-crushing defeats
Feels like they tie me up to my seat, turned blue then slowly losing my heat
How do I fight back with a crunched mind during crunch time? I'll get fired
How do I fly high when I'm wasting my time on the ground while I'm so inspired?
Already tired, quit on this world then move onto the next just like my faded fire
My life's a rolling tire on a depressing slope, losing hope, for once I was dope
But somewhere between living was dropping low notes, it was hard to cope
No brainer I had to show patience, determination it was the only way for me to grow
It was slow and steady, plenty of time to learn all the things that I need to know
Learning is painful, no wonder why "learning process" exists
Either it overwhelms you or overcome the challenge which is the sweetest
Learned that there's no difference between righteousness and wickedness
How do I know? I learned how to be one with angels and demons
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